My day in OKC, etc.

Well my family and I had a good old time in Oklahoma City, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of 8:30 a.m. and amidst my groggy curses and stumbling I guess I eventually fell into the car and woke up in the city. The only way to travel.

We went to the mall and what not, I kept looking into all the mirrors because I enjoyed how ferocious I looked with my bloodshot eyes and my hair going random directions. Beast.

My mom tried to buy a phone case for her new cell phone which my dad purchased for all of one penny. The man running the cart in the OKC mall took the phone, looked at his cart, looked down, and then handed it back to us with a simple "No."

One word can say so much. In this case it said: "I know you picked that phone because it said FREE on the banner, but if you think I carry a case for that prehistoric garbage then you're out of your mind woman." We continued shopping.... defeated.

The exciting part was that we got to go to the Cheesecake Factory, it was my first time!!

I walked up to the desk and demanded a table for four, to which the man replied in a thick Indian accent, "Unfortunately sir, the front desk is over there." He looked so sympathetic, it almost made me cry. It was as if he was thinking, "that poor crazy man... that poor crazy crazy man." It's even funnier in an accent.

So we sat there and ate for what seemed like three hours, ran up a huge tab, then up and left. From there, we went to Poochez Palooza, a quasi-dogshow hosted by the Museum of the Great Plains and it's director, my uncle. It was amazing.

My Lito and Lita showed up from behind the funnel cake cart and joined us at a table as we prepared to watch the dogs. There was a prize for each category, and the announcer called for anyone whose dog can perform a trick to line up by the stage. Two people lined up. The first trick: the dog jumped up and begged for a snack. My dog has been doing that for years, and we don't call it a trick. Matter of fact, my dog will dance like a gypsy in a traveling show for scraps, and we don't call it talent.

More people lined up. Amazingly, the dancing dog turned out to be the best act. Wtf.
There was a dog who, I suppose because of stage fright, refused to shake her owner's hand. The owner eventually grabbed the dog's paw and shook it vigorously, the judges gave it a 6. One man taught his dog how to pray, but I suppose due to the ethical controversy of Christianizing a canine, the judges gave it a 7.

During one act, the man went on a twenty minute speech about how his dog had been saved from Hurricane Katrina. I had a case of the Church giggles because during the sad and harrowing tale Lita was nodding blissfully with her mouth agape, not hearing a word of what was being said.

Next, the announcers said that they would give a Tan & Spa gift card to the next person who comes up and tells them what the first animal was to be intentionally put into space. No one came forward. Minutes went by in awkward silence until eventually a small girl walked up to the stage, they handed her the microphone, "A jellyfish." she said with conviction. The announcer rolled his eyes and handed the little girl her gift certificates for free cancer.

All in all, it was a great day.