As some of you may have heard, Sen. John Ensign (R) just admitted to having an affair with one of his former campaign staffers.
Of course, some of you may not have heard simply because you don't know or care about politicians.
Then again, some of you may not even know what extra-marital means. It's okay. I've been there.
The point is, while some may shake their heads in shame because yet another politician has proven himself to be a hypocrit; and not to mention has shot a chance at being a presidential candidate in 2012, I am looking on the bright side. There's still room for progressives like myself to break new ground--by becoming the first male to participate in an affair with a FEMALE politician!
Yeah, you could call me a dreamer... but one day it WILL be commonplace!!
All I need now is to meet a female politician (Condoleezza Rice, I'm talking to YOU!), seduce her, and then BOOM! I'm on the news, getting interviewed on Oprah, and signing a record deal. And I can't even sing. There will be crude jokes about me on every late night talk show imaginable, and Larry King will have to learn my name. Famous.
Naturally after that I'd get a book deal, a tell-all if you will about my experiences with the politician and how my life has been changed forever, and a picture of me on the cover looking into the horizon.
Then I'd hire a limo to take me to my high school reunion, sure some people would be whispering about me, talking about how someone could be so shameless and such a man-whore. A piece of cake would probably end up being thrown at my face, and it would probably make Channel 7 news in a time slot somewhere between excitement over a possible 'gustnado' and an interview with a ranger who saved a goose that got caught in the engine of a truck. I don't care. At the end of the day, I'm the one riding the limo. Biznatch.
Maybe my ambitions are high, maybe my dreams are too great to become reality... but if you aim for the moon, you'll land amongst the stars. Keep dreaming my friends!