Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Pessimist Society

I don't know a whole lot about what starts pessimism in a person, but I certainly know what doesn't end it: optimistic people.

God, there's nothing worse than an optimistic person, filled with the joy of life, skipping over to you across a flowery field to say to you: "C'mon, life is good! Why are you so negative?"

Then you, with your eternal rain cloud hovering above your head, can only shrug and say "I dunno." The positive person will eventually move on to go hang out with other positive people so they can pick bouquets for the elderly, teach baseball to the disabled, and make corny jokes about the weather with anyone they happen to bump into during their frantic skipping. 'I'm just as good as they are,' you say, glaring, "why, I volunteer and make jokes. What makes them any better?" The black raven perched on your shoulder then asks, "who was that?"

I've accepted that pessimism is just who I have to be. It's not like I have any other choice. While my classmates in elementary school were singing Old McDonald had a farm, I was reading Animal Farm and discovering what canniving beasts animals really are when you're not looking. Old McDonald's days were probably numbered, it was only a matter of time before the oink-oink pig plotted a successful revolt and led the other animals to a socialist government. While my Catholic school classmates drew pictures of a cross and a sun with the words 'Happy Easter Mommy!' on it, I chose to draw the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. There's the Bible stories where Jesus turns water into wine, and then there are the real action stories where God brings fire down upon the heretics, sparing only a select few. I enjoyed the latter.

Anyway, I feel now that the only way pessimistic people can possibly feel better about the world they inhabit is simply to encounter other equally negative pessimists. Hence: The Pessimist Society.

I haven't got the rules all straight in my head yet, but it will go something like this...

Congratulations!

You've been accepted as a member of The Pessimist Society! It requires absolutely no skill to become a member, but still, it's something right?

As a new member, you've been awarded the level of The Order of the Half-Empty Glass.

It's also the only level, we would make more... but we figure people lack the dedication to really move up from there.

In fact, we would continue the rules but we sincerely doubt that anyone will follow them. In the first place, we need readers and members and that probably won't happen either. We're just a group floating out in cyberspace, eating up bandwidth.... you know?

.....

Well, hopefully it would be better than that. Perhaps I'll make a Pessimist Club to counter the Optimist Club. Who knows, all I know is that it's in the works! I'll post an official Facebook link to the group when it's finished!

Assuming I have the drive to create it in the first place... who knows... I probably don't :(

12 comments:

Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

Look at you....you are an optimist in a pessimists body. I can tell because you want to create a group that finds camaraderie in pessimism...hence...optimism. It's all very complicated you see. Now I must go...flowers to pick, elderly to pick on.

Juan Pablo said...

That's exactly how I feel about it!! I really should be an opimist... and yet....

javierandres said...

Hahah I love those metaphors in the beginning, and what you said about them telling corny jokes about the weather haha. Referring to your comment, you're trying to a literary major, or a writer? And I think this pessimistic thing in people is just a phase- especially nowadays with this whole financial crisis- I don't see anything getting better.

ChiChi81 said...

I was chuckling non-stop while reading this new post you got. Just like you, i can't stand overly optimistic people. Makes me wanna slug them for being too, well... bright and cheery hahaha I guess someone really has to shake them til their heads fall off and say, "wake up and smell the dead roses!"

Nicole Woolf said...

You are hilarious - I love the imagery - you really are a great writer. Hee hee picking flowers for the elderly. I'm trying to picture the pessimist skipping through a field - or should I say tromping through a field at high speed, screaming like a banchi, pulling out flowers by the root and crushing them with steel toe boots.
You know, embrace the pessimism in you. I think sometimes the best writers are the pessimists and cynics, and sometimes an overly optimist's book is annoying.

Juan Pablo said...

Thanks everyone! :D

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