Monday, August 3, 2009

The View

On this fine summer day, my family and I decided to eat at this place called Santa Fe Steakhouse. We took our seats, and found that the light emitting through the window shades was blinding our eyes and cooking us like an easy bake oven. So, we closed the shades. It was when we found that the window next to those shades was also blinding us that the conflict began....

"That light is way too bright, ask those people if we could close the shades." My mom asked.

My dad obliged, "Excuse me ma'am, but do you mind if we close those shades? The light is in our eyes." he asked the blond woman and her elderly mom.

To me, it was one of those questions to which there was only one answer. Kind of like, 'excuse me ma'am, you're standing on my foot. I know you don't realize it, but that is why I am informing you. Could you kindly remove it, or move slightly to the left?'

This question was more or less a question like 'excuse me ma'am, but the light protruding from the window nearest you is blinding my wife and children. I'd rather them not have to learn braille, so I was wondering if you could allow us to close the blinds? Only at your utmost convenience...'

So, I was really quite surprised when the heavyset middle aged blond woman answered, "Well we like to look outside."

It wasn't just her answer that made me mad, it was the way she said it. 'How dare you ask me such a thing?' She seemed to say, 'this is my view, I very much enjoy it, and you want me to just give it up for nothing?! The answer is no, bitch.'

You would think we were sitting in a Parisian cafe, not an Oklahoma steakhouse, and we had just asked to close the blinds to a window with a view to the Eiffel Tower. What did she think she would be missing out there?? There can't be anything that good to be worth blinding the people sitting behind you, can there? I don't know, you be the judge, here's a picture I snapped of the glorious view that these women might have missed had they closed the shades:



I don't know, maybe it's beautiful in its own way.

So naturally, after that, we started nitpicking on Barb's every move. We found out her name was Barb after we saw her crawl into her Nissan with a vanity license plate. It's actually the same Nissan pictured above. I guess when you think about it, she was obstructing her own view with her car... but anyway. From there, she became Barb The Biznatch, or Bitchy Barb. She also had a sidekick that I nicknamed Gruesome Granny.

I named her thus because a waiter started cleaning a table next to her, and was almost done when G.G. said: "Sir, sir, sir, you missed something sir!" She said this with a kind of disproportionate urgency. The kind you might expect if you were trying to yell at someone that they've forgotten their child on the train platform as they tragically chug out of view to flee the Nazis, their arms outstretched trying to grab the child as she runs along.

The waiter looks around the table then gives her a look that asks, 'what?!'
"Sir you missed something!" G.G. reiterates, this time with more urgency.
The man looks down and takes a napkin off the chair. "There you go." She says, content.
Then the man gives Gruesome Granny a smiling look that says 'thanks bitch, I almost missed it.'
Now we knew where Bitchy Barb gets all her bitchyness.

On the bright side though, we got to talk to our waiter. A dance instructor who, though he refused to do a back flip in the middle of the restaurant, talked to my sister about her high school dance team and was very personable. He gave us free dessert at the end, it does pay to be nice. Then I thought about how for every cranky, annoying person you meet... there's always another nice one.

14 comments:

Valerie said...

aw, what a sweet ending to your story. I was on a fairy once where this woman wanted to kick this old lady out of seat because she didn't have food, and this was a seat with a table. She pretty much verbally abused the poor old lady until she went to go find security or something. How absurd eh?

YayaOrchid said...

Maybe she's one of those 'green' people who don't like to use up their energy resources? It takes quite a bit of energy to close a blind, doncha know?

Ooor...she might've been afraid someone would steal her vanity plate, and had to make sure she had her eye on it all the time.
Who knows? She probably just didn't like having anyone tell her what to do. There are people like that. What a rude lady! It would have been easier to just be nice.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

There's one of those beeyatches in every restaurant I think. :) But I kind of see her point because that view is just stunning. There's nothing I like more when forking steak in my face, than a view of someone's Honda. Beautiful! :)

I'm one of those people who think you can tell a lot about a person from the way they treat a waiter/waitress - I just bet Barb was demanding and divaesque and hopefully someone spat in her salad.

My rule about vanity plates is this: The more "cute" a vanity plate is, the uglier the owner. If you see a plate that says "QTPIE" you can bet your ass she resembles a warthog.

Punch said...

JuanP, I am so very sorry to have to report to you, mean bitches don't like spics. My brother lives in Arkanass, he says that Oklahoma in the only state they can look down upon. There is nothing wrong with you or your family. It is 'those people' who address you and your kind as 'you people'.
You have a good writing style, stay with it. Develop an understanding for the absurd, might even make it to the Theatre of... Well that Is a shameless plug. Keep watching and keep writing it all down. I'm old, your young you will still be here in 50 years, a lot is going to change.
Great ending.

glorv1 said...

Hi Juan Pablo, how goes it? Well lets see....I have to tell you that this happened to me and my husband at Perko's, where maybe twice a month we go to have breakfast. I always ask for a table by the window and usually get it. This day we sat down and lo and behold, the sun was beaming down on my face showing every little crease, not that I have many creases but what I do have was obviously showing a little more. Ahem! :D My husband didn't want to ask the people to please close the blinds so I took the liberty.
ME: Ahem....excuse me?
THEM: Turning around and then turning back. No response.
ME: I was wondering if you could close your shade? The sun is just really hot.
THEM: No response.
ME: I'm not one to be ignored so I did the next best thing. I stopped the waitress and asked her if she would be so kind as to ask our "neighbors" if they could PLEASE close the shades.
WAITRESS: Of course dear, I'd be happy too.
WAITRESS TO THEM: Excuse me, would it be all right to shut the shades, the sun is bothering the customers behind you.
THEM: They turn around and look at us as if we had asked them to take a hike to the moon. They should have and on a broom. Sure, they hesitantly said. Waitress shuts the blinds, our breakfast comes and we eat happily ever after. :D
See Juan Pablo, you should have asked the waitress. Case closed:D
Bye now and thanks for visiting my blog, you are always welcome. Have a great Tuesday.

Mr. Charleston said...

Juan Pablo... they were drug dealers and had to keep an eye on the car.

Juan Pablo said...

Valerie: Extremely absurd! I hope that old lady also came back with a fresh can of whoop-ass.

yaya: If I see that license plate again, I'm so stealing it. From that point on, I will be Barb. I'll proudly drive around town with it like it's a trophy. LOL

Veggie Assassin: LMAO! Too true! The name "Barb" was accented by pink stars and stripes... you're dead on with that one.

Punch: Arkansas looks like a utopia from the Oklahoma point of view, LOL

Gloria: I'm asking the waitress next time. I think that actually will make them feel like the matter is out of their hands, like oh, the waitress said it... she does work here, and therefore has authority LOL

Mr. C: ...Personal experience?? No? Either way, that insight just opened up a whole new can of worms in my mind... dear God, they had crack in the backseat! I thought granny looked a bit suspicious.

mysterg said...

Whilst I agree with good service in principle, there is little motivation in a low paid job to provide it. And the tip she may have got from you would be far less in value than the car she would have to replace if someone tried to steal it.

Mr. Charleston said...

Juan Pablo... first comment obviously in jest. Let me leave you with a positive one. I once had a girlfriend who always saw the positive side of a situation. Used to drive me crazy, but she was usually right. Someone speeding through traffic... could be an emergency. Someone really gruff... something bad must have happened to him. You get the idea, so here goes, my "be gentle" deed for the day...
A lot of people like to sit by the window in restaurants simply to watch folks walk by. Often older folks will sit by a window because they can't read the menu in subdued lighting. My mother a case in point.
In either case, if your table in a restaurant is uncomfortable, the solution to correct it shouldn't be imposing on someone else, it should be placed on you and/or the restaurant. The path of least resistance would have been to simply move to another table.

Sunshyn said...

HAHAHAHA!! Omgosh ppl are so f'n obnoxious!!

Dutch donut girl said...

"I'd rather them not have to learn braille, so I was wondering if you could allow us to close the blinds?"

Hahaha... hilarious.

I would marry that waiter on the spot. My personal heaven contains free dessert on a weekly basis.

Thank you for following me, btw and leaving a comment!!! :)

mylittlebecky said...

the art of being nice is going the way of the dinosaurs. sad.

Laiza said...

Those ladies are sick! They don't know the meaning of right manners.
The sweet treat did make up for the that very unpleasant encounter. :)

Herding Cats said...

Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog :)

As for your post, um, some people are just....beyond ridiculous. That woman? Yah, she's a ho.